I did it repeatedly with a smile.
Unconsiously, it became a habit.
That as I grow up, I found myself believing less and less in true love and happily ever afters.
It’s not because it hadn’t happen to me yet – or maybe, partly.
But its more on the fact that I witness relationships fall apart here and there. I realized the constant struggle in each of one. How its a choice on being together and giving up.
And what’s more sad?
I used to be a hopeless romantic.
I was in one of my class when I decided to not listen and go through my planner. Looking at it, I realized that so many things happened already and its just half the year! So, I decided to do this project again. Here’s my 2015 Bottle of Happiness! 🙂
Other: 2013 Bottle of Happiness!
PS. I decided to start where my planner started – which is December 29.
December 29 – Had time to meet my childhood friend and visited the dog cafe, Barkin’ Blends
January 9 – Watch Beauty and the Beast Broadway Musical with my sister – who, to my disbelief, did not know the story of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast! To think that she was the one who kept on insisting that we should watch it.
January 14 – Watched the Ayala Triangle Lights (alone while waiting for Ate Vianca) and Ate Vianca treated me dinner @ Bon Chon
January 16 – Went to Acuatico @ Laiya, Batangas to accompany Sir Eugenio, a foreign partner from my mom’s office, to go to a beach. He was so kind to the point that he insisted to treat my sister and I to a 1-hour jet ski ride. Thank you, Sir Eugenio!
February 6 – Dinner @ Pancake House with Ate Aesa & Ate Nikka, Kuya Dee & Ate Vianca.
February 11 – Went to Taft from Makati to have dinner with Paula @ Sangyupsalamat. Kuya Dee and Ate Via were so kind to accompany me.
February 13 – Kuya Dee treated Ate Via and I to Yabu for dinner. Being a 3rd wheel – strike one.
February 14 – Lunch with VSiosons @ Eggs for Breakfast
*Found this written in my planner for the week Feb 9 to 15: Thank you for this week. Thank you Kuya D and Ate Via for accompanying me to Sangyupsalamat. Thank you Ate Via for listening to my rants. Thank you mommy for replying and appreciating my simple text. Thank you dad for not getting mad at me and always giving me a ride to the office. Thank you Kuya D & Ate Via, Ate Aesa & Ate Nikka for taking care of me on the 13th of February. Thank you Ate Joy for treating me at Eggs for Breakfast even if it was pricey. Thank you for that old couple I saw that almost made me tear up. – I just realized how helpful these short notes were because when I saw and read it again, the things that I was thankful for flooded like mini-flashbacks making me smile like an idiot.
April 19 – Arrival of The Stones in the PH
April 29 – Visited Art in Island for the 1st time. Had a lunch date with Ate Aika @ Sangyupsalamat
May 14 – Went to Star City with Roomies (Paula and Ciara)
***Here’s to the amazing half of 2015! Cheers! – June 30, 2015
July 18 and 19 – Yoga and Photo Shoot for HWM @ Urban Ashram
July 21 – Paula’s 21st Birthday Lunch @ Samgyupsal
July 22 – Bonding with Jez: Lunch @ Samgyupsal and Chill @ Cafe Travel
July 25 – Ate Nica’s 26th Birthday Celebration = Binondo Food Trip
July 27 – Yexel’s Toy Museum and Rizal Park
August 1 and 2 – Anvaya Cove with Family (Mom’s Birthday Celebration)
August 4 – Bonding with Rizza ❤
August 6 – Bonding with Yns @ Gillian Gail
August 8 – Movie Night and Over Night with V Siosons
August 12, 13 and 14 – Driving Lessons
August 13 – Meet up with Ayonika after 123456789 years!!!
August 20 – Art Gallery Hopping with Paula and Trina’s Birthday Celebration
August 29 – Art Gallery Hopping with Jez + Bought ‘Hue Can Do It’ to support Gica
September 19 and 20 – Asia Pop Comic Con with Paula and Kat (Day 2) with Jala (Day 3) + Saw Colton Haynes (Arrow’s Roy or Red Arrow/Teen Wolf’s Jackson) + Saw Ana Cosplay!
September 30 – Graduation Practice
October 3 – Graduation
October 5 – Yns Birthdate Celebration! ❤
October 9 – Yexel Museum with Jez and Cesca + Cat Cafe + Overnight @ Jez’
October 17 – Manila Fame with Ate Nikka, Ate Via, Ninong and Ninang + Bridge of Spies Movie
October 20 – GOT ADDICTED TO BTS! ❤
November 20 and 21 – Camping at Real, Quezon with Dad, Tito Jobert and Ate Aika + Saw 3 Waterfalls in One Day! ❤
November 23 – Work Out Day and Marathon (HTGAWM) with Ate Nikka and Ate Aika
November 28 – BGC Night with Dad, Mom, Rae + Ate Nikka, Ate Via, Papa Dee
December 4 – Watched the Good Dinosaur with Ate Nikka
December 5 – Played with Larrene and Dinner @ Shrimp Bucket at UPTown
December 9 – First Job Interview and 21st Birthday Celebration with Ate Nikka ❤
*It was only when Ate Nikka asked how I celebrated my birthday last year that I realized that I also ate at a Korean Restaurant with my family. HAHAHA. Could it be a new tradition? Lol. I also realized that last year, a friend of mine went to South Korea and got me posters of WINNER, a Kpop group that I like. This year, an Ate of mine got me a Bangtan Sonyeondan album, another Kpop group that I’m so in love with. Thank you, thank you, thank you! HAHAHA. Hopefully, I can go to South Korea this 2016!
December 17 – Muay Thai with Ate Aesa + Got BTS Album Part 2 ❤ ❤ ❤
December 23 – Got a visit from Larrene + Walked the Dogs and Played with Lola
December 26 to 29 – Thailand Trip with Family!!!
December 26 – Jim Thompson House and Chatuchak Market
December 27 – Ayutthaya Province + Ruins
December 28 – Kanchanaburi Province
December 29 – The Grand Palace, Wat Pho, Wang Lang Market and Platinum Mall
December 31 – New Year’s Eve Celebration + Video Making with VSiosons
Year End Message: Goodbye 2015, Hell0 2016!
Goodbye 2015, you’ve been a blast! Honestly, you’re one of the best years I had and you’ve set the bar quite high. A tough one to beat, indeed.
2015, you were full of laughter, love, life and so much firsts. Thank you for such a great year.
I’ve met people – old and new, strangers and family. I’ve travelled and went to places – near and far. I’ve experienced a lot – scary and fun. I’ve learned and grown – hopefully for the better. I got to know more about life and myself.
I can only hope that I’ll bring the lessons you’ve given me. Learn from and let go of any pain, regret, hate and negativity I had so that I can welcome 2016 as a great opportunity.
Hello 2016! You’re an intimidating one. You’re my year to grow up and be more – independent, responsible and all that comes along with being an adult. No doubt, I’m scared – but if there’s one thing I learned from 2015: it’s okay.
It’s going to be okay because I’ve upgraded my joy to hope. Before, I’ve always wanted to be the happy kid – one who’s naive enough to chase for constant happiness, bring and share it as well. But I realized that in life, there is no such thing as constant – everything will be fleeting. That is why it is so precious.
For this 2016, I am banking on hope – because it welcomes life as it is.
So, here’s to a hopeful 2016! Cheers to growth, learnings, opportunities and chances to be better! ❤️
Re ‘Inside Out’: Joy cannot always be the constant feeling, sometimes you need to give in to sadness. When I watched the movie, this was one realization that struck me; I only reflected on it when a friend of mine told me that in our group of friends, I’m like Joy while some of our friends represent the other emotions such as Fear and Disgust.
That comparison made me question myself. I’ve always wanted to be happy; I want to be the person who is able to bring happiness to people. Was I too naive to always wish for happiness? Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. But it’s an impossible wish. After all, life would always be a roller coaster – and that’s what makes it… well, life. So I guess, chasing for constant happiness is an impossible feat.
So I wanted to change… I realize something that is similar to joy, yet at the same time, different.
Hope doesn’t mean you need to be happy all the time. It welcomes life as it is – the uncertainties and unexpectedness, the absence of guarantees and the presence of surprises, the ups and downs, the twists and turns. Hope means that it’s okay when these moments comes – you just have to keep believing and keep convincing yourself that you’ll get through it; that it will get better. To know that there will be a tomorrow, a chance to be better.
Quote: “The world is already full of negativity, why do I need to bring it down more? Don’t spill over negativity.” – I heard a radio DJ say something like this.
On People: I’m starting to believe that people are programmed negatively. In such a way that people have the tendency to hold grudges, remember the negative side or even see the faults of people and once you do, you can never unsee it. It takes so much effort to be optimistic and see the good side while its so easy to see the bad and overlook the good.
But at the same time, I also believe that people are always willing to lend a hand – well maybe not on everything… I’m contradicting myself. But, here’s my thought: I believe that the tendency to think of ‘what’s in it for me?’ is a common one. So the saying goes like, people will always be willing to help as long as… (random examples that I could think of)
*it revolves around their interest or what they love – since they love it, it won’t really be extra work but a chance of doing and sharing what they love
*they’re counted on – since the feel of being needed is there, the feeling of self importance and the fact that you matter
*they have time – since they have nothing better to do anyway
And I guess, ‘…as long as…’ is life’s condition, the phrase that follows is ours.
The trick then would be, asking the right people for the right thing.
On Relationships: No relationship is perfect – no matter how hard people try to make is seem so. Also, relationships are not solely based on emotions – its more based on the choices we make. For example, people who love each other may choose not to be together. Relationships evolve – sometimes for the better, sometimes together and other times apart. I believe that moving on is inevitable – its human nature to move forward, to progress, to want more. If I remember correctly, Anna Akana said in one of her videos: ‘We are just built to never be contented’ – this can be applied in everything, even in relationships.
Relationships are complicated; but even so, it helps us know more about ourselves, realize our strengths and weaknesses and eventually grow as a person. But at the same time, we can also out-grow them. As sad as it is, we can’t keep everyone and maybe, that’s okay because knowing that its not permanent gives us more reason to cherish every relationship we have and memory we make.
On Self: We are always hard on ourselves. I think, its part of our nature to compare ourselves to others, to judge what we do based on what we observe from others. We always seem to have this better version of ourselves inside our minds. And maybe, that’s okay, because deep inside its as if some part of us know that we can do better, be better and improve.
I believe that it’s a matter of perspective. Quoting what Anna Akana said in one of her videos, ‘instead of feeling envious or insecure – make it like: Holy shit, I want to do that!’ I think we need to learn the art of seeing the best in people and making them our inspiration rather than a comparison. After all, its already a given that there are other people who will be seemingly better than us – based on our standards and others – but what’s comforting is, no matter where we look, no one else can be us.
The challenge now would be being the best you that you can be; to improve ourselves on a consistent basis.
Quote:’If you met yourself right now, would you want to be friends with you?’ – a question Anna Akana used to end one of her videos.
On Perspectives: While watching a series entitled ‘How to Get Away with Murder’, I was struck with a line that goes like: ‘It’s not about what is right or what is wrong; it’s about who can twist the story better to your advantage, that’s how you win a case.’
It struck me because as frightening as it is (since they are talking about justice, law and murder), I believed it.
Okay, let me put it this way, there’s this more common saying: ‘there’s always two sides of a story’ and most of the time we see and believe the side that makes sense to us – the side that fits our perspective. This then makes the opposite side, the unfavorable one – that is our blind side… I guess I’m pointing this out because I feel like there’s so much in the world that we fail to see because we are so stuck seeing things in our own framework. It makes me wonder how much we are missing and how much more we can learn if we widen our perspective more.
It also made me realize that its one of the reasons why communication is so hard – in a way that saying one thing may hold a whole different meaning to a person with a different framework. A phrase that was meant to be encouraging can sometimes backfire as an attack… this happened to me and a friend of mine. And if I’m being honest, I find it really complicated… and maybe that’s just how life, communication and relationships are. There’s so many things beyond our control. Looking back, I guess, I could have never controlled the situation – on how my friend interpreted my words – all I could do was be open and honest on what my intention was – because how I react is the only thing I can control.
Quote: ‘People have different frameworks’ – a cousin of mine said this to me one time.
On Being Afraid and Speaking Up: I think I finally got it. After how many years of living and being afraid of speaking up and being confident, I finally realize that I had it all wrong.
Let me get this straight, I’m not yet 100% there – but I think I finally got the trick into tricking myself on how to not be afraid of public speaking and how to be more confident about myself. But the trick came along with two harsh truths:
1. The world can function without us.
2. No one actually gives a shit about you.
As sad as it is, if we remove ourselves from an equation – it will still find its way to work its course. Years from now, no one would remember what I said, what I did or even who I am (unless I mattered). Actually, the real question lies on ‘how would I make myself memorable?’ This is what I think of whenever I need to speak up. So instead of being afraid, it becomes a challenge.
All this time I’ve been afraid of the wrong thing – and I realize that when you analyze it, most of the time, there’s a fear hidden on the actual fear – and it’s much more easier to address when it is acknowledged properly. I thought I was afraid of public speaking but the truth was that I’m afraid of what other people think while I was speaking. When I admitted that to myself and I tried to place myself in the perspective of the audience – I realize that you won’t always remember what you see or hear – as weird as it is, it gave me a little bit of courage. At the same time, it made me question myself, what other things am I wrongly afraid of?
Quote: The things you don’t wanna do because you are afraid gives you more reason to do it. Sometimes, we need to be okay with the uncomfortable. – from one of Anna Akana’s videos, again I think?
With those words she left him.
Making him wonder when this tomorrow will be.